Ceci ne pas une Fashionista: A Collaborative Review of the S/S 17 Shows

T-minus five minutes to leaving time and I have just about hauled myself out of bed; making camp by the sink, solemnly brushing my teeth and begrudgingly yanking on the closest baggy, black-coloured garments to hand. A hearty congratulations is in order if it’s a day where I decide to forgo the sports leggings (it’s comfy-chic, right?).

Therefore, it can be safely assumed that I am not a fashionista, I don’t claim to be and doubt I ever will. But that’s not to say I turn a blind eye to dresses with pockets nor appreciate a guy in a well-cut suit…

During my time in New York, I was lucky enough to accompany Niyah to a number of fashion week’s most exciting shows and able to witness the forefront of pioneering and flamboyant fashions. I can completely sympathise for the blood, sweat and tears that went into these works of art, despite feeling hideously out of my depth and ignorant to the importance of these ‘hip’ and ‘funky’ clothes.

So I was completely shocked when Niyah asked me to co-blog about some recent fashions that have graced the runways and the gazes of sunglasses-adorned celebrities perched on the front rows of catwalks everywhere.

DISCLAIMER: I have no formal or prior fashion experience. I wear crocs and routinely forget to brush my hair (but before I’m branded with this forever, they don’t look like Crocs, okay!).


Quick Note: The idea for this collaborative blog post all started when Neha went about joking in her self deprecating humor as always, saying how she felt out of place at a fashion show since she “doesn’t know anything about [the topic].” We then began talking about Kanye’s latest collection, and she exclaimed, “It looks like a child was playing in their mom’s underwear drawer, and put her pantyhose over their head.” That’s when the idea hit me: what if we reviewed the recent collections together, each commenting on a look, giving our own take? There would be the perspective from someone with a fashion background, and someone who claims to be “the anti-fashion blogger.” Ready to see what we thought? Here we gooooo…

Emilio Pucci

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Niyah: I wonder how the models could see where they were going… I’m all for an abstract print, and in your face color, but this silhouette is boring. The whole crop top set thing has been done for the past few seasons. The only thing that makes this look exciting is the headpiece, which is more of a styling choice, than a part of the outfit.
Neha: Do you remember when you played hide-and-seek as a child and hailed yourself a modern savant for ‘disguising’ yourself in ‘unique’ and ‘innovative’ locations? Like, for example…under a lamp?

Neil Barrett

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Niyah: This is sweet and girly. I could see myself wearing this on a date. I like the idea of a kimono, and metallic shoes a something I’ve been coveting for a while now (why did you have to sell out of my size, silver metallic Nikes??).
Neha: It doesn’t evoke, if fashion is art, isn’t art meant to evoke?- do I have the authority to call this boring? Big fan of the colour- or lack of colour- on this one! Other than that, pretty unmoved. The frizzy hair depicts the heat of fashion week pretty accurately though.

Isa Arfen

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Niyah: I kind of like this and I don’t exactly know why. I think it’s because it has a layering quality to it… and I am all about finding new ways to wear the same pieces. It almost looks like you could recreate this look with two button down shirts, a white t-shirt, and a button front mini, with trousers. Resourceful, I like it.
Neha: Quite fond of all the basics, but the composition makes no sense- why layer the pieces up like that? The model looks like she didn’t have time to get ready before she was thrown down the catwalk. My inner mother wants to button her up, offer her a snack and a patronising pat on the head.

Dondup

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Niyah: I’m immediately drawn to this because it’s oversized. I honestly love the two long pant and sleeve length trend. As someone who is 5’11” and can rarely find sleeves that don’t stop 3 inches before my wrist, or pants that borderline high waters… I can appreciate this. Again, huge fan of wearing the same clothing in different ways: Your button down backwards, pants under a skirt, etc. I will say the shoes with this look are not cute, and I am not a fan of this color combo.
Neha: This could be the poster for a Halloween heartbreak novel: Picture the scene: you painstakingly source material and commit an entire weekend to putting together a majestic couple outfit only to be stood up at the event by your partner…the front end (and most important part) of the donkey. Now you just look like a poor excuse for a cowboy. PS- my mother always warned me never to have my cuffs go further than my wrists.

Halston Heritage

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Niyah: Not sure if I like the awkward length of these pants. While I get it’s in style right now, I am too scarred by my high water phase in 7th grade. I do love the contrast of work wear with athletic wear. Really glad that’s a thing!
Neha: No qualms here…I actually quite like this and can imagine people wearing it in the summer, albeit living in constant fear and avoidance of sauce.

Marc Jacobs

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Niyah: Aside from the fact that the outfit looks like a hot mess, I can’t endorse this collection because of the controversial dreadlocks Marc had his white models wear down the runway. Appropriating another culture is never in style, and I am tired of media saying black hair styles look good on everyone except those who it belongs to. This is a great video about it if you’re interested: https://www.youtube.co/watch?v=mvnqimcb9sk
Neha: Looks like the love-child of Helena Bonham Carter and crayola… and don’t get me started on those shoes.

Chanel

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Niyah: This is a really sad attempt at taking the classic chanel tweed, and making it “youthful.” It’s like a 90’s remix of Fresh Prince and Clueless. I love a good paradox, but this is too literal.
Neha: Oh my, really don’t know where to begin with this one. It’s definitely  redefining smart-casual aesthetics. The poor model has probably turned up to a day of work in the office and been last minute recruited into a hip-hop music video that has a shoddy wardrobe department.

Miu Miu

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Niyah: Hmmm. Was it intentional to emulate a woman in a bathrobe wearing curlers in her hair? Was that the inspiration? If so, the designer hit the nail on the head! Not sure what it’s doing on the runway though.
Neha: It’s like a 70’s kitchen threw up on someone in a hair salon, but at least there’s a cheeky bit of leg on show and glazed embarrassment on the face of the model… no papz please.

Thom Browne

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Niyah: I actually really love this collection. Upon first view it may look a little cray, but if you really pay attention you’ll see the contrast. Browne took elements of the classic 60’s housewife, and accessorized the models with futuristic lips and shades. It’s brilliant. I haven’t seen anything like it. And it’s still wearable. If you look close you can tell some of the garments are actually one  piece, but it’s made to look like they were layered giving it that paperdoll, or plastic vibe that was associated with women at the time.
Neha: To be honest, my focus isn’t the clothes, but the cat man and the swimming pool…how embarrassing for a fashion show.

Marni

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Niyah: The pockets look like mini backpacks! This would not be flattering on virtually any woman, as who would want to add that much attention to their hips? But alas, I have to remind myself fashion doesn’t need to make sense. I like the overall look. It’s minimal and chic, but I wish the pockets were a little less obtrusive.
Neha: Look at the pockets; you can hide all manner of things in there- like a Judo attired Mary Poppins! Let’s just hope you don’t forget where you put your keys or overstuff your pockets to look like a pack mule.

Ready to…where? So, these clothes can supposedly jump straight off the runways and straight onto the bodies of drooling admirers, but when can you realistically wear this stuff; and how many times!? Can I buy a lampshade hat in anticipation of an Ikea-themed party? Would I have to take the Mary ‘Judo’ Poppins jacket off at airport security? Do you think the doctor will see beyond the platform shoes and declare the rapid leap in height a medical marvel?

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